Whispers
What whispers do you hear? Who is whispering in your ear? Do you hear your Mother telling you you'll never amount to much? Or is she telling you you are the most beautiful princess in all the world? Do you hear your teacher say "You must try harder. You can do better?' You had done your best and you knew you could not do better, but it is never enough. No matter how hard you work or how late you stay up to get it perfect. All that means is that the next day you walk around in a daze not taking anything in and getting more and more behind.

Do you hear the whispers of girls you thought were your friends as they stand together and look furtively in your direction? What could they be saying about you? What had you done or said this time to make them snigger and then pretend to suddenly see you and greet you with such put on smiles?

Why does no one understand? Why does no one care? Why is everyone so cruel? Am I really that bad, that incompetant, that terrible, that unlovable?

Then one day I was introduced to Someone I knew about but had never met before. His name is Jesus and suddenly I found that here was Someone who loved me. He loved me so much that He died in my place. What's more He understood me. He cared about every detail of my life. He bled and died and rose again to forgive me for every sin I ever committed and for every sin I will ever commit. I did not have to be perfect for Him to love me. I realised that He alone is perfect and all I had to do was believe that He is the Son of God and that He died in my place.

Now I no longer had to look for acceptance and love from other people who were also not perfect. I did not have to care what they thought or try to please them all the time. The only Person that mattered was Jesus my Friend, my Saviour, and my God. What freedom this has brought in my life. I know my Mother and my teachers and all the other significant people in my life were only trying to make me into a better person. But only The Holy Spirit alive and working His Grace and Mercy in my life is able to change me from the inside out to be the person that He created me to be.

We all know the cliche about the fact that we are all on a journey. It's a cliche because it is so true. Since I surrended my life to Jesus my journey has not always been free of problems but at least the whisper I now hear is Him saying, "I love you. Take My hand. I will help you through this circumstance which I have set before you. Trust Me."

Three women were sitting around a table. They were there for one purpose and that was to learn to journal. Paper and pens at the ready the assignment was  "The Fruits of the Holy Spirit" There were nine to choose from....love, joy, peace, patience,kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Without knowing what each other had chosen to write about we all chose self control. I thought about this for a long time. Why did three mature Christian women all feel that self control was the main area that was lacking in their lives?

My conclusion was that without self control, it is impossble to excercise the  other eight fruits. But the more I thought about it the more I came to realise that it is possible to exhibit all nine fruits if one tries hard enough and long enough and excerts enough self control. It is possible in one's own strength to be loving, kind, gentle, peaceful, full of joy, patience, faithfulness and excellent self control.

But when the temptations come, sickness comes, heartbreak comes, rejection comes, then what??
Where is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control then? What happens to all that self effort?

So I thought some more and this time I came to a different conclusion. I realised that none of these fruits are possible for us to grow in our lives by self effort. We are sinful and even our hearts are deceitful. We often fool even ourselves. I concluded that it is only by allowing the Holy Spirit to live inside of us and staying connected through prayer to Jesus Christ our Saviour and Friend that we can possibly grow these eternal fruits in our lives, so that they are evident in a permanent and consistent way.

Abiding (remaining) in Christ is the answer to growing permanent, healthy, nutritious fruit in our lives. Fruit that nourishes not only our own souls but the souls of those around us. There are no short cuts. No quick fixes. No self help formulas here. Just back to basic application of God's Word and prayer.

So I plan to rest in God and stop striving to be a better person. I plan only to draw closer to the best Friend I could ever hope to have.

Retirement

I wonder how many more times I will retire??? The first time I retired was when I was pregnant with our first child. I thought I would never go back to nursing again. I swapped long hours and shift work for more long hours and shift work. I did not miss nursing one bit. I loved being a Mum.

Seventeen years later we emmigrated to Australia. "You'll have to go back to work Dear. Just till we are on our feet." I was ready. Six months of studying and examinations to get up to speed were hard but rewarding. I loved being in the workforce again and I loved Nursing.

Nine years later, we bought a hobby farm and I turned fifty. I decided that no woman should have to work after she turns fifty. Wherever did I get that from?? And anyway, when is one ever on one's feet?? What does it mean?? So I retired again. This time I swapped hard work for more hard work. We renovated the farm house and built a hen house. We stocked the paddocks with sheep and two young cows. There was only one tree on the twenty acres, so we started planting trees. I also planted a huge vegetable garden. What was I thinking?? How could two people eat all those veggies?? Those were good days till the drought hit.

We headed back to suburbia. I came out of retirement again. I missed Nursing and the comraderie that work mates bring. Three years later the hospital I was working in shut down. That was so sad for the local community. Soon after this we moved to Sydney. I retired again. Only this time I did a Lifeline Counselling course and spent the next three years doing Crisis counselling. Once again it involved night shifts and emotionally hard days. By the end of the three years, I had had enough of listening to other peoples problems, so I retired again! Then we moved to Brisbane.

One day as I was paging through the local paper I saw an add and said, " This is MY job." I went for the interview and went Nursing again. This was by far the best job ever. It was a Day Surgery Unit which meant, no night duty, no 'on call' and no shift work and no weekend work. Home at 5pm. What bliss. Sadly after five years my health declined and that was the end of Nursing for me. I retired again. Oh how I missed it. I missed the lovely team I worked with even more.

I have just recently retired again. This time from a very intensive Bible study leadership position. It has been full on for two years and every sacrifice I made to do this work was worth it. But it's time to really retire now. This week I have walked on the beach with Hubby and the dogs, been to the movies and started blogging. I'm having a ball. The next time I retire will be when God calls me home. What an adventure that will be!

Is facebook a friend or a foe?

We all have a need for friends. To love and be loved, and to be accepted. Facebook does that for us. It gives us friends that wish us Happy Birthday, share their problems, frustrations and successes. With facebook friends you can say things you would not have the courage to say face to face. You even have friends to play games with.

Now Monopoly is replaced with building farms. And just like Monoply it's all fake money, fake farms. No need to get up early to milk cows or grow crops. We had a real farm once, and none of our friends came to help us. But on facebook friends from all over the world lend a hand. If only!

Having said all that, I love facebook. I love to be connected to people. Barbara Streisand sings a song "People who need people, are the luckiest people in the world." I must be very lucky (I prefer blessed) because I need and love people. God created each one. We are all wonderfully and uniquely created.

Must finish up now. I have a few phone calls to make to invite some real friends over to play Canasta and Bannagrams.

See you on facebook or maybe over a cup of coffee sometime soon.

Big Day

A Big Day for me. The end of one thing and the beginning of another. A wise friend once said, " For something new to begin, something has to end." So I've taken her advice and here I am for better or worse.

The new chapter of my life begins.......watch this space. I know I will!