Milestone

       So I am about to reach a milestone. What does it mean? Have I reached some pinnacle and now everything changes? I've reached milestones before, many of them I don't even remember. Many of them  I do remember came and went without any fanfare or major changes in me or my life. But there have been milestones that changed everything in my life.
     Those milestones I don't remember are my first tooth, my first step, my first word. Even my first day at school I don't remember although I at least have a photograph of that day. The first milestone I vaguely remember is my thirteenth birthday or do I remember it because we spoke often of it in later years? Elvis Presley was the flavour of the day and we were all jiving to rock and roll music when my Dad asked me to dance. He embarrassed me by fox trotting to Jailhouse Rock! A few months later he was killed in a motor vehicle accident. Now that was a milestone I shall never forget.
     At eighteen I was a nursing student and had met Howard. We were married when I turned twenty one. Then at thirty I was a young mother with two small boys and at forty I emigrated to Australia. At fifty I was part time hobby farmer and part time nurse enjoying the wonderful new lifestyle in Australia. At sixty I was a grandmother with all the joys and concerns that comes with the territory of grand motherhood. Now nearly seventy, retired and downsizing to move into a retirement village life is as exciting as all the other milestones I have experienced.
     I've come to the conclusion that milestones are not merely the passing of the years but the events that take place in those years. I'm reminded of the fact that we are all living in 'The Dash'. Yes 'The Dash'. It's the dash between our birth date and our death date. We see it all the time...so and so 1944 - 2020 and all of our milestones take place in 'The Dash'.
So as I approach this milestone I am not frightened. I have found some perspective in writing this blog. It's all just a part of my dash and I plan to live it abundantly and courageously.
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Lost Lady

         She packs the books she bought in her tote bag and leaves before the end of the final lecture. It has been a long day but the Writer's Conference was interesting and informative. But now it is time to go home. Looking through the window she sees that it is already dark outside and still raining. She reaches for her umbrella and hoists the tote bag firmly on her shoulder. She steps out into the cool, wet night
      The station is only a few blocks away and if she hurries she'll catch the 5.30pm train. She walks quickly but carefully aware that she could easily slip and fall. Two blocks later and nothing looks familiar. It had been daylight when she arrived that morning. Where is she? How did she get here? She should be able to see Roma street station by now. Maybe she should ask someone? But who...there are hardly any people about. A young couple comes towards her. Should she ask them? No, they are engrossed in one another and she does not want to interrupt them. A group of rowdy young men come towards her. She would never ask them, they might take advantage of her situation. She tries her best to look confident, and agile. On the inside she feels old and dithery, confused and totally vulnerable.
         She stops at the intersection and still nothing looks familiar. A man stops next to her waiting for the light to change. She asks him. "Excuse me, do you know where the station is?"
"Just keep going straight lady," he says.
A hurried thanks and she steps quickly across the road. She hears him say something but the wind takes his words and she has no time to stop and turn back to hear what he has to say. Two blocks further and she sees orange lights...King George Bus Station it says. Oh no! She wants the train station not the bus station. But at least she knows this part of town. She has been here often before but where is Central train station in relation to the bus station? Her mind just won't allow her to make any rational decisions. She asks an older couple dressed for the theatre. "Straight on," they say.
    At last she reaches Central station and hardly notices the steps in her haste. She congratulates herself for putting her train ticket in her pocket instead of having to stop and scratch in her bag. To her surprise she sees on the monitor that she has made the 5.30pm train with five minutes to spare. Slowly she walks to platform six once again congratulating herself, this time on wearing her waterproof shoes and walking all the way from Roma street station to Central station and beating the train.
    She sighs with relief as she reaches for her phone. "Hi Darling. Yes I'm on the train. See you soon. Love you too."

Lost Boy

         "Is she my Mother, or my Step-Mother?"
 He stopped digging up the potatoes and turned to his youngest Son.
"She's your Mother and I don't want to ever hear another word about it. Do you understand?"
He said yes but he actually understood nothing. Why had his friend said  she was not his Mother? If she was not his Mother, then where was his real Mother? Maybe he needed to find her...


        "We are going to visit Aunty Mary in hospital. You boys behave yourselves and look after Joe."
"Sure Dad," but they had no intention of looking after Joe. He cramped their style. They fetched their bicycles from the shed and tried to sneak out the front gate without him seeing them.
"Hey, where you going? Wait for me."
"Forget it. You're too small to go with us. Go play with your train set."
He ran to fetch his bike determined to catch up to them, but by the time he got to the gate he could not see them and did not know in what direction they had gone. Kicking his bike he walked back to the shed.
         He looked around for something to do...maybe he'll find his ball his Dad had confiscated when he broke the window last week. He looked under the wooden workbench. It was the ideal place for hiding things. Maybe his dad had put it in a box? The first box he opened had old rusty tools and jars of nuts and bolts. The second box he opened was full of shoe boxes and the shoe boxes were full of old photographs.


        He sat on the cold cement floor looking at the photos of holidays they had been on. They used to go on camping holidays until his dad bought a caravan. He loved these holidays and loved looking at photos of himself and his brothers on the beach. The next box was different...the photos were older and his brothers were much younger, but what was this one?


         A lady was holding a small boy with two older boys at her feet. He began to cry. He carefully replaced all the photographs exactly as he found them and pushed the box back under the work bench. He took his precious photo to his room and hid it in his room. It would be his secret in a house that was full of secrets.


          

Frienship

I used to think everyone was my friend. How naïve was that? When I met someone for the first time I instantly liked them. Yes, I now think that is strange. But on the other hand, I do like people in general. Everyone is valuable and worthwhile getting to know. I believe I can learn something from everyone I meet.
I have often struck up a conversation with a stranger, only to find that we have many things in common. It just takes some time and patience, a willingness to listen, and to ask the right questions.
But having said all that, it took me some years before I realised that not everyone felt that way, and that not everyone wanted to be my friend. I was quite devastated when  this fact hit me.
I started looking at the friendships I had, and the people I met, and analysed all the different relationships I had with them and the reasons for our relationships. Then I came across this saying which gave me some understanding
"Friends for a reason...
Friends for a season...
And some friends for life."
These words helped me to accept the that fact that people come into our lives for a time and a season and its okay if they are not bosom palls forever, sharing all their thoughts and dreams with me. The startling thing was that they did not want me to share all my thoughts and dreams with them either!
So I took a step back and waited for the unfolding of a relationship with a prospective friend. What I found, while I was carefully and thoughtfully engaging in developing a new friendship,  was astounding...to me at any rate.
For example I met a lady who had very similar interests to what I have, who was a similar age to me and seemed like an absolute match as a friend but sadly lasted one coffee morning and we never contacted each other again. Strange!
Then another lady, this time a few years younger with hardly anything in common is one of my best friends. Why is that?
I have come to the conclusion that friendship is a very precious thing, not to be taken lightly, but to be nourished, respected and appreciated.' Friends for life' are few and special and are called 'best friends'. 'Friends for a reason' come into our lives to meet a need that I have or maybe that they have. 'Friends for a season' come and go and are remembered for the richness they brought to me at that time.
I treasure everyone and am grateful for the times we spent together and look forward to making all kinds of friends in the future.
 

Scary blank page

There is nothing scarier than a blank page for someone who wants to write. That is what I am faced with today.
Living 'in between' is probably the reason for the blankness I feel. Living 'in between' probably needs some explanation. First of all we are all living 'in between'. We were born on a certain date in time and we will die on a certain date in time. In the meantime we are living 'in between.'


Then there are many times in our lives when we live 'in between.' At the moment I am living 'in between' the last time I went on holiday and the next time. The last time was at the end of last year when we went to America. What a wonderful holiday that was. It was worth every cent we paid. I learnt so much about life, about others and so much more about myself. It's all very hard to put into words...better felt than telt! We also saw the most beautiful rivers, lakes, waterfalls and mountains. America is a very beautiful place. The world is a beautiful place.


My next holiday starts in just a few days. I don't feel excited yet because I have so much to do still. There is cleaning, shopping, packing, dogs to wash and all their bedding to wash as well. We are going to the Outback with Wendy and Richard and we are taking Jesse, our Labrador who is six months old, with us. It will be an adventure.


I am also living 'in between' selling this home and buying another. There is a lot of talk and looking and planning but nothing concrete. So that makes me feel 'in between.' I am inpatient and want this to happen now.


So I am practicing enjoying the 'in between' time. Using it to rest, plan, and do things I like to do. Once the 'in between' time is over there will be no time for doing things I like to do. I'll be doing things I have to do, like packing.


So I'll sign off now and do some reading. Till later......

Time to blog again.

It's time to blog again. I don't really know why I even want to blog or why anyone would want to read what I have to say. But here goes.


For those who know me, you'll know that we, that is my husband and I, are puppy raisers. We are presently raising two puppies, our ninth and tenth pup. Thomas is one year old and Jesse is six months old. They keep us very busy. This was something I have wanted to do for more than twenty years but it is now time to hang up my lead and do other things.


I have many interests. I think I have too many interests. It causes some frustration when I do a little of this and a little of that. By this and that I mean learning to play both the piano and the cello (no not at the same time, even I can't do that!) I dabble in patchwork and quilting, and writing of course. I also like to garden and meet up with girl friends for a coffee and chat. Then there is housework, shopping and keeping my very patient husband company.


He patiently watches me flitting from one thing to another and I'm sure he wonders how long this particular phase will last. I wonder that too sometimes. But most times I just keep running from one thing to the next without wondering about it at all. I have also set myself a goal to read through the whole Bible in one year. Do you have any idea how much daily reading that takes.


I tried joining a book club, but found that I could not finish a book in one month. I wondered why I could not do that. But of course I know. I'm doing too many other things.


So now I'm blogging AGAIN. Which probably means I won't be writing my novel. Oh yes, that is one other thing I'm doing, I'm writing a novel. I've taken some good advice and getting a few friends to read some of my work. It's rather daunting. It's much easier saying "I'm writing a novel" and not letting anyone read it. It feels safer. The feedback I am getting has been encouraging and very helpful. I appreciate the changes that have suggested.


Well, I have to go now. My Thomas, that's what I call him, even though I know he isn't mine, is asking to go outside and in any case it's time to feed the dogs and start our dinner. I'm so glad that I have some freezer meals ready to go on days when I get the bug to blog.


Bye for now. See you soon, I hope

Time flies

Yes, time does fly. Pigs don't fly, but time does. Almost forty eight years ago I was a young bride. Starry eyed, I thought at last I had found someone who would meet all my needs.  I lived a selfish life taking and taking and always wanting more. I gave back very little.
I remember clearly complaining that I needed new curtains and carpets. I nagged and nagged until eventually my patient and giving husband said, "You can't get blood out of a stone. I give you  all I have."It was a wake up call for me as I saw the pain in his eyes.
 It still was a gradual change from taking to giving and I would like to think that I now give as much as I receive in our relationship.
Someone once said, "Marriage was not meant to make you happy; it was meant to make you Holy. For me that has been the case. I have learnt to forgive. I have learned to be patient. I have learned to be loving and giving. In these areas I am not perfect yet but I'm trying, which is a huge improvement.
As I look back over the years, It's hard to believe that I made many foolish choices. All I can say is that God's Grace and Mercy kept me from destroying everything precious to me. Today I am grateful to Him for sending people into my life to guide and help me when I needed them.
Watching a movie like "Saving Mr. banks" made me realise afresh that no one has a perfect childhood. That is why we need our perfect Heavenly Father to make up the love deficit that we experienced as children and teenagers.
In many ways it is rather frightening to think about time passing. No matter how hard I try I can't fit more into each day than I do. I don't have the time to do everything I want to do and if I try I don't have the energy. So I 'm trying to find a balance between the things I want to do, have to do, and enjoying every day living without feeling guilty.
At this stage of my life I want to live at peace with myself and everyone around me. I don't want the false guilt of the things I feel I Should be doing. There is no cello and piano practice police. There is no Blog police either. I have only three people to please, God, Howard and myself.

Try, try again

Today I did something I said I would never do again. (One day I will stop saying 'never'). I took Thomas to exercise class again this morning. The last time I took him, he barked and whined and disrupted the class. But today, probably three months after that first episode, I took him again.
He was an angel. He chewed his bone and licked all the peanut butter off the kong and then dozed. I was so proud of him.
I was also proud of myself for having the courage to try again. The leader of our group said, "Everyone deserves another chance." She was right.
I learnt today to never write someone off, not people and not dogs. Sometimes they just need a bit more time to mature. Sometimes they just need some encouragement and someone to trust them.
Leopards can't change their spots but we humans are not leopards and we can change.
I know that I have changed and I'm glad I did. I am not the same person now that I was when I was thirty. I've heard people say "He is not the same man that I married," as if that is grounds for divorce. But no one stays the same. We are all changing day by day, slowly but surely. We only have to look at photos to see how much we have changed over the years. We do not only change on the outside but we change on the inside as well.
I would like to think that we all change for the better, but sadly that is not the case. When I was a lot younger than I am now, I used to think that wisdom and grace and love became more evident in our lives as we grew older. I was wrong.  I met a critical, sour old man who just became more critical and sour as the years progressed. How sad.
So I conclude that how we change is up to the choices we make in life. The choices we make today influence our lives in the future. If we choose to forgive, to love, to live a peaceful non judgemental lifestyle, it may not all happen at once, but we need to try, try again until these things we choose for ourselves become habit patterns of our lifestyle.
I keep working on my attitude and I keep working and hoping for the best with Thomas. As much as I am teaching him, he is teaching me.

Depending on the Tide

I was sitting with a friend on the ferry today as it glided effortlessly along on the Brisbane River. We were discussing the fact that sometimes people are loaded on and off  through the bow entrance and sometimes through the stern.
The young ticket officer overheard our conversation and explained the reason why.
"It all depends on the tide," she said.


 Looking at the river one can hardly see the tide and yet we can feel it's effects. Tides can be very powerful and cause people to drown, boats to be grounded and sand to be washed off beaches, causing houses built on beach sand to collapse.
Knowing what the tide is doing is essential for safety. It is also knowable. There are charts to guide us and warn us of danger. Ferry Captains, Surf Lifesavers, Coast guards and anyone who sails rivers and oceans would be wise to consult these charts and then take the necessary action. It is foolishness and could even be disastrous to ignore these guidelines and safety measures.
All this information got me thinking about other guidelines and instructions that are all around us for our own safety. For example 'Stay behind the yellow barrier lines' on railway stations. 'Wrong way' signs on highways to stop us from entering a highway from the wrong direction. Road rules in general are made to protect us from harming ourselves or others.
Pilots have to be aware of the strength  and direction of the wind. Another thing we cannot see, but we can feel it's effect.
There are also common sense rules that we learnt from parents and teachers. 'Look left, look right and look left again, before crossing a road.' (This is the other way around in right hand drive countries.) 'Walk, don't run through the corridors at school. You may hurt yourself and others if you don't obey.'
'Do to others what you want them to do to you,' I heard a mother once say to her son as she pulled him off the play ground.
Which leads me to the best guide book which I love to read. Yes, you guessed it, the Bible. There I read that there are powerful unseen forces that are constantly trying to confuse us, hurt us and fill us with doubt and fear. But I also read that God is more powerful than the evil forces. He loves us unconditionally and forgives us when we confess  and acknowledge our sin to Him. He also forgets our sin completely. Yes, our God is a God who forgets.
We need to be aware and on our guard but we need not fear if we follow the guidelines we have been given. 

Routine

Is routine a good thing or a bad thing? It is probably both. We all have a routine of some kind or another. Some routines are in cycles. Monday to Friday in bed by ten and up at six. Ablutions and breakfast, maybe some exercise, and off to work or school. The weekends take on their own routine. Stay up late and wake up late. Maybe skip ablutions but never skip breakfast. Slow morning reading papers and watching television. Some people turn breakfast into brunch.
Sundays have their own routine. For many it's a time to shop, to go to the beach or once again just relax at home catching up with friends or family. For us it's off to Church after a walk and breakfast.


Routines change as family commitments change. Babies and small children thrive on routine. It makes them feel secure. When we were raising our children they knew they had to be home by five in the afternoon. The evening routine started then. It was dinner, bath, playtime, reading time and bedtime. There were hardly any tantrums because they knew this was what was expected.
 For some obscure and weird reason that I'm yet to fathom out, we are still at home by five o'clock and start the evening routine of feeding dogs, cooking dinner and watching television even though our boys left home twenty years ago.


Children are not the only ones who thrive on routine, dogs do too. Our guide dog puppies in training love the stimulation of new places and people. But they do their best work in familiar places and they always know when it is meal time. Keeping to a routine helps us to know when they need toilet breaks. So routine when puppy training is essential. 


But too much routine becomes dull and boring and that's why I said routine can be a bad thing. We all need some variety in our lives. It's good to go on a picnic or take a train ride into the City just for fun. Explore a part of world that you have never been to before. I love to pretend I am a tourist in my own town and take a ride on the hop on hop off bus.


Sometimes we don't want to break out of our routine because of fear. What if I hate the food at the new restaurant? Isn't it better to go back to the restaurant I always eat at where I know the food is good?  That is boring! If the food is not good, don't go back.


I know people who go to the same place every year for their holiday. They love it. They meet the same people they met last year and the year before. I would not like that at all. I guess we are all different. I once heard someone say that we are all either settlers or pioneers We need both types of people. If everyone was an adventurous pioneer, we would all be forever on the move and there would be no settled stability.


There is a time for routine and a time to break away from routine and have some fun.

Australia Day

Sunday 26th January. Australia Day. So what does Australia Day mean to me? My overriding emotion is one of gratitude. Living here in Australia for the last twenty eight years has been a blessed experience. God promised us that He would be with us when we emigrated all those years ago.
We sold our home, caravan and boat. Many of our possessions we gave away and a few sentimental things as well as things we thought we would need we took with us when we left.
We left our eldest son Kenneth behind. We also left a very good Church, where we had learned so much and we also left extended family and very precious friends.


Although it was very painful to leave Kenneth behind we knew emigrating was what we needed to do. Kenneth was nearly eighteen and he felt that he needed to stay in South Africa. He had to find his own way in life and things turned out just fine for him. God was with him as well as with us.


So here we are living the dream. Spiritually,emotionally, financially blessed. We have lived a full life here. We have lived in many different towns. We have attended many different Churches. We have both had different experiences in the workforce. We've made friends, learned many lessons and grown as people.


We have enjoyed travelling in Australia as well as overseas. What a wonderful world we live in. We only have to walk across the road to be surrounded by huge trees with native birds and a creek rambling through the natural bushland.


It is quite overwhelming as I think about our many blessings. Our children and our children's children are all healthy and growing in God's abundant grace. Why is our family so blessed? I have no idea. My heart goes out to others who are struggling with ill health and struggling financially. It makes me sad and it makes me feel somewhat guilty.


Only God knows the reasons for these things. Enough to say that I am grateful to Him and give Him all the glory and honour.

A blank page

So I have taken up the challenge to blog every day. Sometimes I have nothing to say. I sit in front of this blank page and stare at it. Maybe if I wrote this blog later in the day I might have more to write about.


What have I achieved today? Well, once again I walked my dog Thomas to three quarters of an hour. And by the way he is improving on his walks. He focuses on me instead of the dog he would rather focus on. Then I walked for another three quarters of an hour with Gayle. I enjoyed it all immensely and even in the heat of Summer. I feel better for the exercise.


Then after breakfast we took little Jesse and Thomas to Bunnings. Jesse enjoyed the walk and was not at all fazed by the strong smells coming from the fertilizers. Thomas, on the other hand, was crazy. I had to use my gruff voice and a lot of collar correction to get him to focus on me instead of the scents that were invading his nostrils.


While we were at Bunnings we made a decision about a new barbeque. I can't wait. I plan to have barbeque something every night!


We needed a coffee after all that decision making. The dogs are very relaxed in the Coffee Club. I would not be surprised if they use a photo of us with our dogs to advertise the relaxing atmosphere at the Coffee Club. We go there so often. We found another Coffee Club in the City last Friday. Now we know where four are. Here where we live there are three to choose from. Sometimes we go to our local coffee shop as well.


Our shopping was not over at this point. I remembered seeing sheets sets on sale at Spotlight. We need new ones for our guest room. Thomas and I did the walk, which was good for Thomas and me of course and found that they still had the sheets on sale. I bought a lovely soft shade of green. It was time to head home.


The dogs are asleep at my feet. Howard and I are both working on our computers. The air conditioner is on and I no longer have a blank page in front of me. I do, however, have a blank afternoon ahead of me. Will it more writing, or maybe practicing my instruments or more dog training  

Darkness

The family room was dark even though the sun was up. We hang dark curtains over the normal curtains when we have a small puppy.  Hopefully it fools them into sleeping a little longer and not waking at the crack of dawn.
 I can hardly reach to take them down and as Howard is away for two days, I was tempted to leave them up. But I just could not live in a darkened room. So I stood on tip toes to take them down and let the sun shine in.




I thought about my friend who is blind. He tells me he often washes the dishes at 1am. He does not put the light on. It would be a waste of time and anyway it would wake the family.




I also thought about my friends who walk in spiritual darkness. How do they cope with every day living? I have loved God and believed in heaven and hell since I was a child and it's hard for me to imagine what life is like without that faith in God.




The biggest challenge in life is forgiveness. To love people, especially nice people who agree with us is relatively easy. We can even manage to love unlovely people. But what is our reaction to people who hurt us?  It does not seem natural to forgive people who disappoint us, or are unkind to us. The natural response is to retaliate.
It's natural, and normal and a human way to respond but that is why we need God.  Unforgiveness, hatred and revenge are all destructive ways. The problem is it does not only hurt even destroy the other person but it also hurts the person who refuses to forgive. We need the supernatural  ability that only God can give us to truly forgive and feel the freedom that forgiveness brings.
I am told that people with mental illnesses can often find relief and healing through forgiveness. Hatred and bitterness is like a cancer to our spirits. Sometimes the person needing our forgiveness is ourselves. It is possible to hate ourselves. If we don't love ourselves in a healthy way, we will find it difficult to love others.
It all starts with forgiveness. Receiving forgiveness from God for all the wrong things we have done  and also forgiveness for the good and kind things that we were meant to do that we did not do.
We also need to forgive people who have wronged us.
Forgiveness brings freedom and healing not only for us but for those around us.

Fear

Fear is so debilitating. It stops us from reaching our potential. It stops us from fulfilling our dreams. It makes us mistrust ourselves and others around us. It brings negative thoughts and destructive behaviours into every situation and relationship. Fear makes us suspicious of other's actions and motives.


The opposite of fear is faith. Faith brings out the best in us. It motivates us to take a chance. We will more likely take a risk and trust  ourselves and the people around us.




I know how I would rather live. Even if people I trust let me down or I make an error of judgement, at least I had a go. One of my sayings is, "You have to have a dream if you want your dreams to come true".
 It is also no good having dreams if you don't follow your dreams with action. We are often the answer to our own prayers. I am not saying that we are somehow God. No, what I mean is, we pray for something or someone and then we realise that we can actually help that situation.




My choice is to live by faith. Faith in God, who loves me and gave His Son to die for my sins. I choose to believe the best in people around me and forgive them when they fail as I hope and pray that they will forgive me when I fail. 

Tug of War

 I remember we always played tug of war, three legged races, egg and spoon races at Sunday School picnics.
But I hate tug of war now. Every morning I take Thomas, my nine month old black Labrador for a walk we end up having a tug of war. It is no game, I can assure you. What should be an enjoyable outing, listening to the singing of the birds and pleasant exercise for us both, has become a battle of the wills.


Thomas is in a hurry and wants to get going. I am trying to teach him to walk at a pace that I find comfortable and also a pace that a visually impaired person would be able to handle. Thomas also wants to say hello to every dog he meets and although this is a natural instinct for a dog, it is something that a potential guide dog just cannot do. He has to learn to stay focused on me, the handler. So he tugs one way and I tug the other. Will he ever learn? I don't know. I just have to keep trying to help him overcome his instincts.


People think that man is a dogs best friend. Well that is entirely wrong. A dog is a dogs best friend. I'm sure that given the choice a dog would choose another dog as a mate any day. Many Service dogs have learned to overcome their natural instincts and do amazing things, so I keep on doing what I am doing and in the end it is up to Thomas what he chooses to do.


Thomas and I are in a power struggle at the moment, which made me think of other power struggles in our lives. Many children have a power struggle with their parents and while this too is natural, as the child struggles to become independent and adult, it can be a painful tug of war if not handled wisely. The other tugs of war in households are between husbands and wives. I guess when you put two independent vastly different people together there is bound to be some tug of warring going on.


The same principle apply to human relationships and any animals. We need to handle them with  wisdom, patience, love,respect, and justice to overcome our power struggles and live in harmony with one another. 

Pushed

Today we pushed ourselves to do things we would not normally do. First I did two walks again today, one with Thomas my Seeing eye puppy and one with a dear friend.


Then we took the two puppies to the City on the train. In days gone past we would not take pups to the City until they were more than six months old, now that we are raising pups for SEDA they have a whole different protocol.


We are given the pup at eight weeks and asked to expose him to every possible experience before the age of sixteen weeks. The reason behind this procedure is that the pup grows up without fear. He thinks it's normal to ride on a huge noisy train and on a bumpy bus and get close to huge animals like horses, goats, sheep, pigs, geese and roosters and hens.


Other pups we have had in the past have been sheltered and molly coddled and then when exposed to the above situations they freak out. It all makes perfect sense now.


Today the train was crowded. There were prams and babies and toddlers everywhere. The City was crowded to. The first thing we did was head to a park to toilet the dogs after the long train ride. Then we headed to the Coffee Club. We needed some refreshment to face the next step. We walked through the throngs of people in  Queen Street Mall and into the Meyer Centre. All three pups showed no reaction to the glass lift. Some dogs are frightened.


We then walked through all the people in the Food Court. By this time we needed an ice cream
 It was time to face the walk through the Mall again to the train station and the long ride home.


We were all exhausted when we arrived home but so much was achieved. It feels so good to push ourselves sometimes. I think we molly coddle ourselves all too often. There is however a time to push and a time to refrain from pushing.

Home Alone

Home alone. What do I do with the time I have? Today I chose to divide the time I have between cleaning and writing. Why? Because I have a conscience and just can't concentrate on writing until the things that need doing are done.

In between the cleaning the thoughts that run through my mind are about the people I love and need to contact. I love keeping in touch on Facebook but it does not replace that long chatty phone call or afternoon tea.

Now that I am sitting writing I keep having thoughts of things I could be doing in the house. Concentration and focus is what is needed. We took our pups on the train into the City a few days ago. It was a full and successful experience. On the way home we were chatting to a lady about puppy raising, as we often do when we are out with our dogs.

Among the things we spoke about was how dogs are able to live in the moment. Sure they have memories. They remember us years after they leave our home. They remember places they have been to and people and other dogs they have met. They associate those things and people with happy, sad, fearful memories. But yet they accept every day as it comes. They trust  the people around them to feed them and care for them.

I learn from them everyday and would love to be able to live more in the moment. Instead I find myself thinking of the next thing. What I still need to do. What if.... and if only......

Is this because I am who I am? Is it because I am a woman? Do men not think like this? Do they live more in the moment than women?

Yesterday with all it's joys, and there are many, is gone. It's sorrows and lost opportunities are gone as well. The future we have no control over. We don't even know if we have a future. Not here on earth at any rate.

So this is today and I have walked the dogs, done some cleaning, blogged and now it's time to put my feet up with a cup of tea and read a good book for a half an hour. Then I will carry on with the rest of this beautiful day that God has given me to enjoy with my  best friend and lover of nearly 48 years.

Guilt

Yesterday I did not write a blog. Horrors! Well no not really. Even though I had made a decision to blog everyday, I do not feel guilty about not blogging yesterday.
My puppy ate my lap top electrical cord today. Do I feel guilty? No. I have been carefully putting it out of his reach and today I did not. So how do I feel? Well, not guilty. Upset with myself that I forgot to remove it, but not guilty.


I have learned the difference between real guilt and false guilt. I remember as a young girl at school whenever something was missing and our bags and desks were searched, I always felt sure that the missing item would be found in my things. I knew I had not taken it  but still I felt guilty. This strong sense of guilt is something I learned from my Mother.


Only yesterday when I was speaking to her on the phone, she was saying that she was sure she had offended someone who had not phoned her for  a while. I could see how ridiculous that was. Probably what happened is that person just did not remember to phone her because of the busyness of life.


Another situation that always made me feel guilty was when the guide dog puppy that I was raising was not performing as he should or did not make the grade. I have come to realise that it's not up to me, it's up to the dog. I do my best and that is all anyone can require of me, even myself.


There is a song that comes to mind..'there are no mistakes, just lessons to be learned.'
I have also been told that many people who suffer from mental disease are really suffering from guilt.


Now true guilt is a good thing. It means our conscience is intact and we have the opportunity to do something about our guilt. We can cover it up or we can confess what ever it is that has caused the guilt. Sin causes guilt. We sin against others and we sin against ourselves. We also sin by things we do not do that we should have done or not say the things we should say.


Confessing our sin to God and asking for forgiveness brings healing to our hearts and minds. Sometimes it is also necessary to ask the person we have offended to forgive us.
While we cover up, and don't acknowledge our sin it haunts us and causes depression and low self esteem. Far better to free ourselves from the guilt and walk in good mental health.


I am so glad that I can now recognise the difference between real guilt and false guilt. It is truly liberating. 

Left from right

Left from right


Today as I was out walking my Seeing Eye puppy, Thomas, I realised that I finally knew my right from my left. Howard has often said 'the other right' when trying to give me directions. I was determined not to confuse Thomas, so I thought carefully before I gave him directions. 
It comes naturally to me now.


I always remember my Mother saying, "It's more important to know your right from your wrong, than your left from your right." I find it quite strange to still have tapes running through my head of things my Mother taught me. One that comes to mind is," Even when things go wrong, it's the motive that counts." She always looked deeper than actions and words and could see what was in the heart. What she saw was often only what others wanted her to see.


Some people thought she was too soft. Too compassionate, too forgiving. Many people took advantage of her, especially men. She always made allowances for people. She always saw the best in people. I saw her make too many mistakes and suffer too much heartache to be like my Mum. It does not make me love or respect her less. It just makes me more cautious of people.


I would like to think that it is wise to be cautious of people. The opposite is gullible and naïve. I doubt whether I could ever be accused of being gullible or naïve. Maybe I could be accused of being sceptical even cynical, but I think that has helped me to stay out of trouble and not make the same mistakes my dear trusting Mother has made.


So I learned by watching. I watched people who made ship wreck of their lives and watched those who were successful. I am grateful for the opportunity of observation. I am grateful for the examples both good and bad. I am who I am because I made the choices I made.  


  

Determination

Determination is another word to add to wisdom, common sense and perseverance. I was determined to make this blog available to anyone who wanted to read it. But I like to switch my computer on and it has to do what I want it to do first time. I do not like going into settings and control panel mainly because I am terrified I'll make matters worse.
So there is the reason. Once again I found something I can't do and am too frightened to try for fear of failure. That way I stay ignorant, stuck in my fear and dependant on Howard who says a computer is only a machine and has to do what it is told. Oh boy! That is not easy for me to do.


Back to my determination. In spite of the fact that I only wanted to get on and write this blog (not that I had anything burning on my heart to write) I took the bull by the horns and took the time to fiddle with  the innards of my laptop. I am hopeful that I have managed to fix my problem. Up until now I have not been keen to show any of my writing to anyone else. Once again motivated by fear. While I keep it to myself I can fool myself that some of it is good and that I can call myself a writer. But this year is the year that I submit my writing for critiquing. In fact I'm going to join a critique group.


It's alright to be scared. It's only when the fear causes us to abandon hopes and dreams in case we fail or embarrass ourselves. I am reminded of the time when a younger woman said that she hated having a yearly pap smear. She felt so embarrassed. I quickly came back with "embarrassment never killed anyone." I have another friend who refuses to go back for another mammogram. She said the last one was so painful that she would never do that again. I wonder if she knows how painful breast cancer is?  Oh the joys of being a woman! But I digress.


I have plans and hopes and dreams for this year ahead. It will take a lot of determination to make them reality. Amidst the implementation of those plans, my overriding theme for each day is PEACE. Jesus said that he gives us his peace. He said 'Don't worry about anything.' So each day as I determinedly plan my day to make my dreams come I will say "May Your will be done in my life today."